It's a rainy day in the northeast. I could be depressed, but the memory of the past five gorgeous days remains with me as I let my mind wander to the gorgeous skies and gentle breezes....hmmm...OK, now I am back and have to post before I head into the office. It's time to break out the Gap rain boots which in theory are great. No water penetrates the plaid plastic however no air circulates either. My feet feel like they are in an oven with no chance to breathe as they bake, sweat and are wet from perspiration as opposed to the puddles. This is a no win boot....and so it goes...at least I am no longer in college with the plastic Stroehman bread bags on my feet trying to stay dry for 8 hours as I run from class to class in the rain.
Speaking of college, there is always news on Buddy and Tink front. Tink took another math test this week. We eagerly await the results. Buddy is studying with his tutor for his criminology test (his former favorite class until he got the first grade back) and math quiz. He can't believe that there are no breaks from the work in college. Imagine? No breaks from studying, taking tests, attending classes, and writing papers....I will have to ask for my tuition money back. I am obviously getting too much for my money. If I pay less, perhaps he will not have to take so many tests. I will check with the Bursar.
We spoke this morning about his training session. He is complaining about a "knot" in his shoulder...yes, the left one...no, I don't know what a knot means. Is it a blood clot, muscular tension or strain, new muscle or what? Why he complains to me when he has an entire state of the art medical system at his fingertips, I will never know. He has access to trainers, doctors, masseuses, physical therapists, and counselors. Who does he complain to? Yep, you got it right...BP mom. What does BP mom say? "Go to the trainer!" Yeah, yeah, yeah...click....
The morning conversation continues. He obviously could not reach his dad by phone, so I sat in my chair with my coffee and had a lovely chat with the Big Kid. It looks like Option 3 is the winner of next year's living arrangement with Dog, California, and an unnamed player to be announced. He has actually done his homework this year and therefore is making an educated decision. For new readers, please refer to older posts for some of his now famous decisions.....all supported by the sentence: "Mom, I can handle it...."
The winning location of the Buddy's new apartment is: (drum roll, please)...the apartment over Dunkin Donuts!!!! Fireworks, balloons, and applause please! Did BP mom call this one right or what? All I can say is that momma knows her son....BP mom friends...buy DD stock now...the baseball team has a new hang out....
As I mentioned, the plan is that our leftie is going to live with Dog and California.
However, California has received a number of letters from major league teams and he is eligible for the draft this summer. If drafted, he will go...not just go....He will run...fast...not take any luggage...just his glove and cleats and leave Buddy and Dog in his dust. Therefore they need a plan B and C 'cause BP mom is not going to fund their addiction to DD alone. We need two more players or kids to live in this apartment. Therefore, Buddy will chat with the pitching coach to determine whether a junior college kid is coming to campus and in need of a place to live AND he wants to ask a high school friend to join in the craziness. I know this kid and his mom well and I approve :-)
What is going to happen to Angel, Big Red, and Lone Wolf? The break up conversations and results will be covered in future posts. Let's just say that there will be fireworks, a parade, and some shouting, sharp objects, and hurt feelings. More to come...stay tuned!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
A very peaceful weekend!
We are having great weather in the northeast. I cannot believe that we will hit 85 degrees in October. I have to go outside before the weather turns rainy, snowy, raw and damp for Halloween. Pumpkins and scarecrows are adorning lawns and the leaves on the trees are turning a beautiful shade of red. Life is good...Tink and I went with family yesterday to celebrate cousin Songbird's imminent nuptials to her soul mate. It is a wonderful couple to watch as they are in love with a capital "L". They are going to marry in Ecuador and have a reception in the states next year...until then...Vaya Con Dios!
With the great weather, the college team was able to have their usual Sunday scrimmage. Many of the players struggled...could it be a physical let down from the previous day's football game and activities? One of Buddy's friends could not pitch out of an inning. It looks grim for him. He may not make the roster this year. LW gave up 3 walks and 6 runs in 4 innings. Buddy worked two innings and had 2 strike outs, no walks, 6 batters up and 6 batters down. Then he was pulled out. Coach proclaimed that he was "back!" This means that his fast ball, slider, and curve ball were effective. In fact, according to Coach, he has not pitched that well since May's playoffs.
Dad has a theory about Buddy's recent surge in his abilities. He feels that the summer did nothing but cause him to regress. There were no regular work outs, routines, or coaching sessions. Buddy's free time was spent in his room watching Netflix and vegetating. Once fall ball began, he had his routine back. It took 4 weeks to regain his previous form, but now that he has it back, he will not let it go. Whew! I think a celebration is required. Time to head back to campus and take the kid out for a steak on Sunday. Hopefully this weather will hold up.
On to the household drama of the weekend. Buddy called last night. it seems Angel wants to call us and apologize for ruining our weekend. I don't recall this weekend being wrecked. In fact, I loved it...I worked, saw family friends, and did not have a midnight wake up call about some crazy college drama. In other words, it was peaceful. Dad told him that our weekend was fine and Angel is a good kid...no need for apologetic phone calls.
On the other hand, LW's family showed up, dropped lil bro off for the weekend and brought LW some video games and new clothes. Then they took off to party with friends. LW was out and left lil bro at the mercy of Buddy, Angel and Big Red. In other words, he hid in LW's room. They never mentioned the previous week's drama and note, and so it goes...this is the difference....Angel was mortified with his behavior and sought apologies...LW and his crew are oblivious. And so it goes...and goes...and goes.....
Got to go...have to study and work today. Enjoy the great autumn weather!
With the great weather, the college team was able to have their usual Sunday scrimmage. Many of the players struggled...could it be a physical let down from the previous day's football game and activities? One of Buddy's friends could not pitch out of an inning. It looks grim for him. He may not make the roster this year. LW gave up 3 walks and 6 runs in 4 innings. Buddy worked two innings and had 2 strike outs, no walks, 6 batters up and 6 batters down. Then he was pulled out. Coach proclaimed that he was "back!" This means that his fast ball, slider, and curve ball were effective. In fact, according to Coach, he has not pitched that well since May's playoffs.
Dad has a theory about Buddy's recent surge in his abilities. He feels that the summer did nothing but cause him to regress. There were no regular work outs, routines, or coaching sessions. Buddy's free time was spent in his room watching Netflix and vegetating. Once fall ball began, he had his routine back. It took 4 weeks to regain his previous form, but now that he has it back, he will not let it go. Whew! I think a celebration is required. Time to head back to campus and take the kid out for a steak on Sunday. Hopefully this weather will hold up.
On to the household drama of the weekend. Buddy called last night. it seems Angel wants to call us and apologize for ruining our weekend. I don't recall this weekend being wrecked. In fact, I loved it...I worked, saw family friends, and did not have a midnight wake up call about some crazy college drama. In other words, it was peaceful. Dad told him that our weekend was fine and Angel is a good kid...no need for apologetic phone calls.
On the other hand, LW's family showed up, dropped lil bro off for the weekend and brought LW some video games and new clothes. Then they took off to party with friends. LW was out and left lil bro at the mercy of Buddy, Angel and Big Red. In other words, he hid in LW's room. They never mentioned the previous week's drama and note, and so it goes...this is the difference....Angel was mortified with his behavior and sought apologies...LW and his crew are oblivious. And so it goes...and goes...and goes.....
Got to go...have to study and work today. Enjoy the great autumn weather!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Lessons in life
Happy Sunday! It's a good one in the BP mom household. No late night calls about drunken disorderliness or suicide prevention...it's a day that is looking mighty fine.....yep...mighty fine.
Yesterday, I did receive a number of calls from our hero. Yes, he is feeling better....no, he is not going to the football game because he has too much work to do...yes, he is pitching today. That was all I received in my communication from him. On the other hand dad got the real news that he proceeded to share with me. Here it goes....
No, LW did not try anything shady or fatal. His parents did show up at the apartment and left his little brother with him while they went out for the evening. Naturally, I don't have all of the facts, but lil bro' was there watching television.
Yes, Buddy and Angel went to a sorority social together. Excuse me, but didn't we formally have disdain and revulsion for the Greek system? Are we talking out of both sides of our mouths? Huh? Well, they had fun and Buddy left Angel there because he was making strides with one of the ladies, So, our hero left his roomie as he was so close to obtaining her phone number. When Buddy got home, who was sitting on the sofa? Yep..LW's lil bro. Where was LW? His brother replied: "he went to a party...." and he left his kid brother to rot watching television and playing video games alone. That is...until...Big Red showed up with his girl friend. Thinking that he was going to have the place to himself, he was woefully surprised that this kid was on 'the sofa.' Consequently, Red was not a happy camper...
As Buddy, Big Red and girl friend, and kid bro settled in for the evening, he received a frantic phone call from Angel. "You gotta pick me up....I am in the ER and don't know how I got here...." Ouch! Did the sorority girl take a swing at him? Did he black out? Was he drugged? What happened?
When Buddy and his favorite catcher arrived at the hospital, Angel was in a stall with an IV in his arm. He swore that he had no idea what happened and was trying to piece the last few hours together. It seems that he had left the party inebriated. On campus, there are roving ambulances that pick kids up who appear intoxicated and in danger. Therefore, when they stopped Angel, he failed the breathalyzer test. They transported him to the hospital where he woke up on a stretcher. When he realized where he was, he quickly called his reliable room mates to help him.
Here is where the story becomes confusing...he was not arrested...I don't think that he received a ticket...but his blood alcohol level was high. Therefore, he has to pay a big fine and attend alcohol safety class, and lost his driver's license for 90 days. Now, I know that this is a good kid, who made a bad decision. Therefore, this situation has thrown him onto the sobriety wagon with Buddy.
Angel called home the following morning to recount the story to his parents. From what Buddy tells me, his saintly mother used some not-so-saintly expletives as she proceeded to yell at him for two hours. Today, Angel's parents will be in the apartment and ready to intervene as necessary. In the meantime, what have we learned here?
Well, I have learned that if these kids do not learn from this, then they are not the intelligent guys that I once thought. Anything bad that has happened to them has been related to drinking. Yes, the drinking is more than a glass of Merlot...it is beer, shots, and hard liquor. They are ill equipped, as is anyone, to handle it. So, why oh why do it?
They have so much to lose. LW almost lost his life. Angel has lost his driver's license and is panicked that he may have lost his scholarship (I doubt it, but he should worry about it). Big Red and Buddy just stand there and wonder what they got themselves into...I don't remember these lessons from college and I was sober most of the time....
Yesterday, I did receive a number of calls from our hero. Yes, he is feeling better....no, he is not going to the football game because he has too much work to do...yes, he is pitching today. That was all I received in my communication from him. On the other hand dad got the real news that he proceeded to share with me. Here it goes....
No, LW did not try anything shady or fatal. His parents did show up at the apartment and left his little brother with him while they went out for the evening. Naturally, I don't have all of the facts, but lil bro' was there watching television.
Yes, Buddy and Angel went to a sorority social together. Excuse me, but didn't we formally have disdain and revulsion for the Greek system? Are we talking out of both sides of our mouths? Huh? Well, they had fun and Buddy left Angel there because he was making strides with one of the ladies, So, our hero left his roomie as he was so close to obtaining her phone number. When Buddy got home, who was sitting on the sofa? Yep..LW's lil bro. Where was LW? His brother replied: "he went to a party...." and he left his kid brother to rot watching television and playing video games alone. That is...until...Big Red showed up with his girl friend. Thinking that he was going to have the place to himself, he was woefully surprised that this kid was on 'the sofa.' Consequently, Red was not a happy camper...
As Buddy, Big Red and girl friend, and kid bro settled in for the evening, he received a frantic phone call from Angel. "You gotta pick me up....I am in the ER and don't know how I got here...." Ouch! Did the sorority girl take a swing at him? Did he black out? Was he drugged? What happened?
When Buddy and his favorite catcher arrived at the hospital, Angel was in a stall with an IV in his arm. He swore that he had no idea what happened and was trying to piece the last few hours together. It seems that he had left the party inebriated. On campus, there are roving ambulances that pick kids up who appear intoxicated and in danger. Therefore, when they stopped Angel, he failed the breathalyzer test. They transported him to the hospital where he woke up on a stretcher. When he realized where he was, he quickly called his reliable room mates to help him.
Here is where the story becomes confusing...he was not arrested...I don't think that he received a ticket...but his blood alcohol level was high. Therefore, he has to pay a big fine and attend alcohol safety class, and lost his driver's license for 90 days. Now, I know that this is a good kid, who made a bad decision. Therefore, this situation has thrown him onto the sobriety wagon with Buddy.
Angel called home the following morning to recount the story to his parents. From what Buddy tells me, his saintly mother used some not-so-saintly expletives as she proceeded to yell at him for two hours. Today, Angel's parents will be in the apartment and ready to intervene as necessary. In the meantime, what have we learned here?
Well, I have learned that if these kids do not learn from this, then they are not the intelligent guys that I once thought. Anything bad that has happened to them has been related to drinking. Yes, the drinking is more than a glass of Merlot...it is beer, shots, and hard liquor. They are ill equipped, as is anyone, to handle it. So, why oh why do it?
They have so much to lose. LW almost lost his life. Angel has lost his driver's license and is panicked that he may have lost his scholarship (I doubt it, but he should worry about it). Big Red and Buddy just stand there and wonder what they got themselves into...I don't remember these lessons from college and I was sober most of the time....
Friday, October 7, 2011
Fri-day!
Good morning! It's Friday and I am proctoring a midterm exam trying to type softly and not disturb the panicked exam-takers. Are they cheating? I haven't seen anyone except one girl's eyes look at another paper. Here is my philosophy about cheating....how do you know that your neighbor has the correct answer? How do you know that you don't know? What if you cheat and 'borrow' the wrong answer? Sparky told me that when you are in doubt, choose 'c' as the answer. This would be tough and disastrous in an essay test, but Sparky is pretty smart, so I will go with her test-taking theory.
Last night when I returned home, Diva dog was retching and vomiting nonstop. She was in obvious abdominal distress and Tink and I were really concerned. After an hour, she calmed down a bit but I was ready to call canine 911 for help. (OK, the girl with the red hair just finished the test first and handed it to me...the rest of the students rolled their eyes). Tink slept in a sleeping bag in the mudroom and took care of DD. Such a great dog owner...she has a test this morning and never once thought about it since she was more concerned about little diva.
Over to Buddy..he is now feeling peppier as the midterms and papers are completed and fall ball comes to an end. Sadly, he has to deal with 2 progress reports but he feels that there will be no more academic problems. Once again, can you spell 'eligible'? "I got it, mom" he reports. And so it goes.....
As BonJovi sings..."it's my life...."
Last night when I returned home, Diva dog was retching and vomiting nonstop. She was in obvious abdominal distress and Tink and I were really concerned. After an hour, she calmed down a bit but I was ready to call canine 911 for help. (OK, the girl with the red hair just finished the test first and handed it to me...the rest of the students rolled their eyes). Tink slept in a sleeping bag in the mudroom and took care of DD. Such a great dog owner...she has a test this morning and never once thought about it since she was more concerned about little diva.
Over to Buddy..he is now feeling peppier as the midterms and papers are completed and fall ball comes to an end. Sadly, he has to deal with 2 progress reports but he feels that there will be no more academic problems. Once again, can you spell 'eligible'? "I got it, mom" he reports. And so it goes.....
As BonJovi sings..."it's my life...."
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Procrastination
The big history test is over and Buddy and 300 classmate's fate rests in his "Birkenstock, hairy armpit, nose ring, pink haired" teacher's assistant. If she is in a good mood, he got a 100. If she is in her typical foul mood, then he is doomed. Let's keep our fingers crossed that she did not have a fight with her room mates yesterday. By the way, I am all for a big curve in this course.
He feels a bit stronger since he was kicked out of practice for two days. He is delighted with this state of events. Last night he had a paper due at midnight that he was starting at 4 pm. Can anyone spell procrastinate? He narrowed down the topic to 'women who are opposed' OR 'money can't buy you happiness.' This one made me laugh...let's think here...he is not a woman, he doesn't know any that are oppressed, therefore he has nothing to go on to write 900 words. On the other hand, after attending two mega bucks private schools with peers who were given sports cars for passing a spelling test, he knows something about money and how it does not bring a person joy. I actually had to talk him out of writing about the women. Perhaps the streptococcus has affected his brain.
Fall ball is over in 10 days and he is looking forward to spending more time with his friends rather than playing in scrimmages. He is placed in for two-three innings each weekend and commands the radar gun when he is not sitting in his bullpen. Boredom has set in and he is ready to focus on school and training. Guys are going to be cut next week and they are getting nervous. Buddy is safe and he knows it, so the tension that he had last year is not present. However, he understands the panic in the other guy's faces. Each year, the team has walk-on try outs then they cut the roster to the league standard. Last month, two players who had been cut last year were arrested for assault and battery. Once again, you add big guys, too much drinking, and rowdy behavior and you can find yourself waking up in the pokey the next day.
And so it goes.....I am off to work a 12 hour day today. I think that Thursdays are not my favorite day of the week, but I could be wrong. Fortunately, I am not oppressed, have a job, and have tools to work the system as opposed to the women who don't...perhaps I should introduce my son to one so that he can write that essay next time....have a good day!
He feels a bit stronger since he was kicked out of practice for two days. He is delighted with this state of events. Last night he had a paper due at midnight that he was starting at 4 pm. Can anyone spell procrastinate? He narrowed down the topic to 'women who are opposed' OR 'money can't buy you happiness.' This one made me laugh...let's think here...he is not a woman, he doesn't know any that are oppressed, therefore he has nothing to go on to write 900 words. On the other hand, after attending two mega bucks private schools with peers who were given sports cars for passing a spelling test, he knows something about money and how it does not bring a person joy. I actually had to talk him out of writing about the women. Perhaps the streptococcus has affected his brain.
Fall ball is over in 10 days and he is looking forward to spending more time with his friends rather than playing in scrimmages. He is placed in for two-three innings each weekend and commands the radar gun when he is not sitting in his bullpen. Boredom has set in and he is ready to focus on school and training. Guys are going to be cut next week and they are getting nervous. Buddy is safe and he knows it, so the tension that he had last year is not present. However, he understands the panic in the other guy's faces. Each year, the team has walk-on try outs then they cut the roster to the league standard. Last month, two players who had been cut last year were arrested for assault and battery. Once again, you add big guys, too much drinking, and rowdy behavior and you can find yourself waking up in the pokey the next day.
And so it goes.....I am off to work a 12 hour day today. I think that Thursdays are not my favorite day of the week, but I could be wrong. Fortunately, I am not oppressed, have a job, and have tools to work the system as opposed to the women who don't...perhaps I should introduce my son to one so that he can write that essay next time....have a good day!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Cramming
There is never a dull moment in BP mom's life. Yesterday's road trip settled a number of interpersonal issues for our hero. He looked somewhat relaxed (for him) and had his sense of humor back. He is on antibiotics for his strept throat and to his delight was kicked out of practice for being contagious. He ran off to study hall to continue studying for his big history midterm today (good luck big guy...).
Once I left the university, we did not chat about the Lone Wolf again. Buddy has to learn to compartmentalize the issues that emerge in his living arrangement. He has to leave it behind to focus on what he has to do to succeed and not be distracted by all of the drama...drama...drama....drama....did I say: "drama?"
While we drove to lunch yesterday, he showed me the places that he wants to live in next year with Dog and California. One house was in the center of town. Dog was being kind when he said that the house had "character." Use your imagination for what "character" means. I promptly vetoed this one. It is in the center of the hub of activity on campus. They will never sleep and will have drunken students pounding on their door wanting to use their bathroom at all times of the day and night.
I picked out another apartment building that had 6 floors and balconies. "Uh mom...that's $800.00 a month per person." Whew, glad that he is finally looking out for my money OR has he seen a recent bank statement showing very little in it? I am not sure, but that building was crossed off the list too.
My only suggestion was to stay off the main streets (there are two) but he is convinced that he is (once again) making the right decision. The guys have now narrowed the selection to the place over the Dunkin Donuts and the one over Citizen's Bank. My spidey senses tell me that DD will emerge as the winner. If this is the case, then I will promptly spend the $18.00 that I have in the bank on DD stock, 'cause those guys can eat. In fact, as I stood next to him yesterday, I swear that he grew another inch or perhaps his hair was particularly fluffy. Not sure, but it added an inch.
And so, life continues....he enjoyed the cupcakes that Tink and I made for them and is ready to kick butt on the history exam. I too will try to compartmentalize and focus on my work for a change. Poor Tink has been making dinners and cleaning the dishes since I am studying for a certification exam next week. Like Buddy and millions of others, I waited for the last minute and am currently cramming while making my index cards and placing them strategically around the house. It definitely brings back my college days as my mind wanders away from the subject onto something really important like who was kicked off Dancing with the Stars?
Enjoy the day!
Once I left the university, we did not chat about the Lone Wolf again. Buddy has to learn to compartmentalize the issues that emerge in his living arrangement. He has to leave it behind to focus on what he has to do to succeed and not be distracted by all of the drama...drama...drama....drama....did I say: "drama?"
While we drove to lunch yesterday, he showed me the places that he wants to live in next year with Dog and California. One house was in the center of town. Dog was being kind when he said that the house had "character." Use your imagination for what "character" means. I promptly vetoed this one. It is in the center of the hub of activity on campus. They will never sleep and will have drunken students pounding on their door wanting to use their bathroom at all times of the day and night.
I picked out another apartment building that had 6 floors and balconies. "Uh mom...that's $800.00 a month per person." Whew, glad that he is finally looking out for my money OR has he seen a recent bank statement showing very little in it? I am not sure, but that building was crossed off the list too.
My only suggestion was to stay off the main streets (there are two) but he is convinced that he is (once again) making the right decision. The guys have now narrowed the selection to the place over the Dunkin Donuts and the one over Citizen's Bank. My spidey senses tell me that DD will emerge as the winner. If this is the case, then I will promptly spend the $18.00 that I have in the bank on DD stock, 'cause those guys can eat. In fact, as I stood next to him yesterday, I swear that he grew another inch or perhaps his hair was particularly fluffy. Not sure, but it added an inch.
And so, life continues....he enjoyed the cupcakes that Tink and I made for them and is ready to kick butt on the history exam. I too will try to compartmentalize and focus on my work for a change. Poor Tink has been making dinners and cleaning the dishes since I am studying for a certification exam next week. Like Buddy and millions of others, I waited for the last minute and am currently cramming while making my index cards and placing them strategically around the house. It definitely brings back my college days as my mind wanders away from the subject onto something really important like who was kicked off Dancing with the Stars?
Enjoy the day!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Life is not easy
Greetings! It has been quite a while since my last post and I ask for forgiveness. I have been out of town, working, and handling issues that have emerged this past week. In many ways, I have been too distracted to post, but will now try to catch up with what has been going on....and a lot has happened.
I have to be very delicate in writing this note for a number of reasons that will be revealed as you read on and on and on......
Last week, I traveled to the south for a long weekend and the presented some of my research at a symposium on the other side of the state. Both trips were successful but took me away from writing, although issues still emerged.
Once again, I write this blog as a means to communicate the intense nature of baseball and my son's quest and drive to make it or not make it to the major leagues. Playing college and professional sports is not an easy venture. My friend's son is a quarterback at a large well known university. I have known this boy since grade school and he is a great kid. Anyway, his team lost on Saturday and he threw three interceptions. Imagine his heart ache as he tries to deal with this performance. He faces criticism week after week and still remains positive. I have a new admiration for all of these players as they strive to do things that only a few people can do.
Therefore, football like baseball is loaded with people looking to bring a person down. Blogs and websites are devoted to hating players and teams. In fact, when I look online, there are sites that are purely dedicated to demonstrating how bad certain players perform on any given day. With that kind of pressure, a person can go crazy and need some external assistance. This is where it can and does take a village to create and handle a professional ball player.
I am not trying to skirt around the impending issue, but merely pointing out that this level of sports has its positives and negatives. To that end, I will begin....
Buddy has had some difficulty putting life into perspective and therefore contacted the sports psychologist who works with all of the athletes and has experience with their unique needs. He has many years of experience and is committed to helping the kids. So Buddy finally went to see him and immediately liked him. He plans on seeing him every week until he can sort things out in his mind and place baseball into the correct place in his life. I applaud him and wish that I had someone who would put things into perspective for me too...like a closet organizer.
Gradually, he has felt more confident and relaxed. However, with fall ball, there is still a great amount of pressure for all of the players as they compete for starting spring positions. They are tired and stressed because they also attend college full time. The anxiety and stress trickle into their personal lives and they are distracted and become closed off. With Buddy, he tends to become very quiet and introspective as the season continues and basically hides. Yet, the big guy is in college and does not hide too much and still likes a party or movie or playing video games.
The weekends are great fun as the guys plan to attend football games and parties. Plans are made with the guys who they consider friends. Lone Wolf, formerly known as Nemesis is on the outer fringe of the circle. LW has been very difficult to live with and has a trigger-like temper, will not share his food, and makes inappropriate and rude remarks to anyone in ear shot. The guys had been freezing him out to avoid conflict for several days until LW screamed at Big Red for drinking some of his juice. The argument was heated and ugly and LW was told that everyone hated him. Not one of their finer moments, but it happened nevertheless. Later that day, LW joined the guys at a party where he continued with his inappropriate behavior and was shot down by one of the girls who he wanted to date. He was beginning to seethe and drink more and became combative and belligerent. Buddy had to get him out of the party and bring him back to the apartment. As Buddy settled in for the night, LW barged into his room and demanded that they talk about what had happened. He then showed Buddy marks on his chest where he had 'cut' himself in an act of self-loathing. Floored, Buddy was completely unprepared to deal with this type of issue. He wanted to help LW but was not equipped to handle it. What does he do? He calls home to talk with me about the cutting.
To me, cutting is an act caused by a person who is desperate and it seems that LW was desperate. We chatted a bit and I suggested that he ask LW to call his parents for some help. He could also meet with the sports psychologist to work on his issues. There is truly something wrong and this young man is screaming out for help and attention. It is unfortunate that he has taken his issues this far.
On Saturday, things went back to normal as some of the guys went out and Buddy stayed in the apartment since he was feeling sick. As he walked to the kitchen, he found a note written by LW saying that he has had it and is sorry about committing suicide. It was ten o'clock at night and Buddy once again did not know what to do. That's when he called in a panic. At first, it seemed like a cry for attention and LW seeking to make the guys squirm for their impatience with him. But a kid does not write something like that as a college essay. He is in a great deal of pain.
Buddy went into action and called the guys to come back to the apartment. He then tried to contact LW who did not answer his cell phone. Next, he contacted the psychologist for assistance. They spread out and drove in a rush through campus trying to find him and stop him from hurting himself. Finally they found him in his friend's apartment playing video games. Yes, that is correct. He was enjoying himself with a group of guys while the other kids were driving crazily trying to find him.
I am going to stop the story here for a few quick notes. Number 1: he left the note to be found by Buddy whom he knew would spring into action. Number 2: the guys were speeding around town trying to find him. They could have had an accident and either killed themselves or someone else. Number 3: he was alive but did not answer his cell phone even a text message. To me, this is a great manipulation by someone who cannot figure out how to get his way without trying. He wanted friends, but did not know how to make them. it is very sad.
Back to the story...they found him and brought him back to the apartment where the psychologist sat with them and started a dialogue on the issues. It ended around 2 am when Buddy called home to report that LW had been found and he was alive. I then told him that he is not responsible for this action and therefore should not shoulder any guilt. That night, I was ready to drive to campus at midnight to help sort out the mess. Fortunately, I was not needed but was ready to go.
On Sunday, I asked for an update and whether LW had contacted his parents and told them about the note. To me, this is very very serious. His parents needed to know this information in order to help him. Keeping it from them would be a grave mistake. LW told Buddy that he called his mother and told her. Since this person has not been truthful in the past, I figured that if he really told them then his parents would be there that day. Which parent would not come to campus knowing that their child had written a suicide note? SO, I waited and waited to hear when the parents arrived. They never did which told me that he did not call them. By the way, Big Red wanted to tear up the note, but LW took it and ate it. Hmmmmm
So, what's BP mom to do? You got it right...I called his mother on Monday and asked her if she was OK after Saturday night. When she did not know what I was talking about, I told her what had happened. Can you imagine someone calling and telling you that your son wrote a suicide note two days ago? What would you do? What would you say? I probably would have dropped the phone and jumped into the car.
This is not what happened. I could tell that she was teary and apologized for giving her such bad news but she needed to know. You cannot keep this away from the person who could help this young man. He needed her and she had to know. When LW found out that I called, he was very angry with Buddy who calmed him down and told him that I called her to make sure that she was feeling alright because I was concerned about the family. I am not going to go into the conversation because she shared some intimate details about this young man and I would prefer not to write about it, but this woman has been dealing with this behavior for quite a while. I hung up the phone feeling very bad about them.
I immediately shook off the guilt and sadness and wanted Buddy to know that he is not responsible for any of this nor should he shoulder any blame. Furthermore, if he is still distracted by these antics and unable to focus on school and baseball, someone was going to have to move out of the apartment. Consequently, I decided to take the trip to campus today and make sure for myself that everything was normal. Before I left, I made sure that the therapist could see us together. My senses tell me that my son needs to establish workable boundaries and be equipped with tools to defuse future situations. We went to meet the doc and had a great conversation where he shared that Buddy handled the crisis with a great deal of skill. With that said, we worked on a plan together and left the office. Who was sitting outside of the office in a chair, slumped, and glaring at us? Yep....there he was...LW.
Immediately, I was concerned that he would think that we were talking about him (since we were) but I did not want Buddy confronted in the apartment. First, he does not need any more drama. Second, he was diagnosed with strept throat today. However, one important item was discussed in the meeting and that was how to share with LW that he was not going to live with him next year. This is almost a done deal as Buddy is going to live with California and da Dog, so LW is not invited. This will cause hard feelings and possible ramifications. He cannot be this young man's baby sitter for the next three years. He has to focus on his own life and attend to his issues.
To end, this young man is troubled and needs assistance. He has many wonderful qualities but lacks some basic social skills. According to the doctor (and common sense), some of the best athletes never learn how to get along with others because people want to be near them because they can throw a ball. This type of friendship is fake and not real. This fellow needs guidance, someone to confide in, and methods to work out his frustrations without taking them out on his room mates. He is in my thoughts and prayers as I wish him the very best. It is not an easy road and I hope that he has the help that he needs to live a long and happy life with lots of friends and family surrounding him.
I have to be very delicate in writing this note for a number of reasons that will be revealed as you read on and on and on......
Last week, I traveled to the south for a long weekend and the presented some of my research at a symposium on the other side of the state. Both trips were successful but took me away from writing, although issues still emerged.
Once again, I write this blog as a means to communicate the intense nature of baseball and my son's quest and drive to make it or not make it to the major leagues. Playing college and professional sports is not an easy venture. My friend's son is a quarterback at a large well known university. I have known this boy since grade school and he is a great kid. Anyway, his team lost on Saturday and he threw three interceptions. Imagine his heart ache as he tries to deal with this performance. He faces criticism week after week and still remains positive. I have a new admiration for all of these players as they strive to do things that only a few people can do.
Therefore, football like baseball is loaded with people looking to bring a person down. Blogs and websites are devoted to hating players and teams. In fact, when I look online, there are sites that are purely dedicated to demonstrating how bad certain players perform on any given day. With that kind of pressure, a person can go crazy and need some external assistance. This is where it can and does take a village to create and handle a professional ball player.
I am not trying to skirt around the impending issue, but merely pointing out that this level of sports has its positives and negatives. To that end, I will begin....
Buddy has had some difficulty putting life into perspective and therefore contacted the sports psychologist who works with all of the athletes and has experience with their unique needs. He has many years of experience and is committed to helping the kids. So Buddy finally went to see him and immediately liked him. He plans on seeing him every week until he can sort things out in his mind and place baseball into the correct place in his life. I applaud him and wish that I had someone who would put things into perspective for me too...like a closet organizer.
Gradually, he has felt more confident and relaxed. However, with fall ball, there is still a great amount of pressure for all of the players as they compete for starting spring positions. They are tired and stressed because they also attend college full time. The anxiety and stress trickle into their personal lives and they are distracted and become closed off. With Buddy, he tends to become very quiet and introspective as the season continues and basically hides. Yet, the big guy is in college and does not hide too much and still likes a party or movie or playing video games.
The weekends are great fun as the guys plan to attend football games and parties. Plans are made with the guys who they consider friends. Lone Wolf, formerly known as Nemesis is on the outer fringe of the circle. LW has been very difficult to live with and has a trigger-like temper, will not share his food, and makes inappropriate and rude remarks to anyone in ear shot. The guys had been freezing him out to avoid conflict for several days until LW screamed at Big Red for drinking some of his juice. The argument was heated and ugly and LW was told that everyone hated him. Not one of their finer moments, but it happened nevertheless. Later that day, LW joined the guys at a party where he continued with his inappropriate behavior and was shot down by one of the girls who he wanted to date. He was beginning to seethe and drink more and became combative and belligerent. Buddy had to get him out of the party and bring him back to the apartment. As Buddy settled in for the night, LW barged into his room and demanded that they talk about what had happened. He then showed Buddy marks on his chest where he had 'cut' himself in an act of self-loathing. Floored, Buddy was completely unprepared to deal with this type of issue. He wanted to help LW but was not equipped to handle it. What does he do? He calls home to talk with me about the cutting.
To me, cutting is an act caused by a person who is desperate and it seems that LW was desperate. We chatted a bit and I suggested that he ask LW to call his parents for some help. He could also meet with the sports psychologist to work on his issues. There is truly something wrong and this young man is screaming out for help and attention. It is unfortunate that he has taken his issues this far.
On Saturday, things went back to normal as some of the guys went out and Buddy stayed in the apartment since he was feeling sick. As he walked to the kitchen, he found a note written by LW saying that he has had it and is sorry about committing suicide. It was ten o'clock at night and Buddy once again did not know what to do. That's when he called in a panic. At first, it seemed like a cry for attention and LW seeking to make the guys squirm for their impatience with him. But a kid does not write something like that as a college essay. He is in a great deal of pain.
Buddy went into action and called the guys to come back to the apartment. He then tried to contact LW who did not answer his cell phone. Next, he contacted the psychologist for assistance. They spread out and drove in a rush through campus trying to find him and stop him from hurting himself. Finally they found him in his friend's apartment playing video games. Yes, that is correct. He was enjoying himself with a group of guys while the other kids were driving crazily trying to find him.
I am going to stop the story here for a few quick notes. Number 1: he left the note to be found by Buddy whom he knew would spring into action. Number 2: the guys were speeding around town trying to find him. They could have had an accident and either killed themselves or someone else. Number 3: he was alive but did not answer his cell phone even a text message. To me, this is a great manipulation by someone who cannot figure out how to get his way without trying. He wanted friends, but did not know how to make them. it is very sad.
Back to the story...they found him and brought him back to the apartment where the psychologist sat with them and started a dialogue on the issues. It ended around 2 am when Buddy called home to report that LW had been found and he was alive. I then told him that he is not responsible for this action and therefore should not shoulder any guilt. That night, I was ready to drive to campus at midnight to help sort out the mess. Fortunately, I was not needed but was ready to go.
On Sunday, I asked for an update and whether LW had contacted his parents and told them about the note. To me, this is very very serious. His parents needed to know this information in order to help him. Keeping it from them would be a grave mistake. LW told Buddy that he called his mother and told her. Since this person has not been truthful in the past, I figured that if he really told them then his parents would be there that day. Which parent would not come to campus knowing that their child had written a suicide note? SO, I waited and waited to hear when the parents arrived. They never did which told me that he did not call them. By the way, Big Red wanted to tear up the note, but LW took it and ate it. Hmmmmm
So, what's BP mom to do? You got it right...I called his mother on Monday and asked her if she was OK after Saturday night. When she did not know what I was talking about, I told her what had happened. Can you imagine someone calling and telling you that your son wrote a suicide note two days ago? What would you do? What would you say? I probably would have dropped the phone and jumped into the car.
This is not what happened. I could tell that she was teary and apologized for giving her such bad news but she needed to know. You cannot keep this away from the person who could help this young man. He needed her and she had to know. When LW found out that I called, he was very angry with Buddy who calmed him down and told him that I called her to make sure that she was feeling alright because I was concerned about the family. I am not going to go into the conversation because she shared some intimate details about this young man and I would prefer not to write about it, but this woman has been dealing with this behavior for quite a while. I hung up the phone feeling very bad about them.
I immediately shook off the guilt and sadness and wanted Buddy to know that he is not responsible for any of this nor should he shoulder any blame. Furthermore, if he is still distracted by these antics and unable to focus on school and baseball, someone was going to have to move out of the apartment. Consequently, I decided to take the trip to campus today and make sure for myself that everything was normal. Before I left, I made sure that the therapist could see us together. My senses tell me that my son needs to establish workable boundaries and be equipped with tools to defuse future situations. We went to meet the doc and had a great conversation where he shared that Buddy handled the crisis with a great deal of skill. With that said, we worked on a plan together and left the office. Who was sitting outside of the office in a chair, slumped, and glaring at us? Yep....there he was...LW.
Immediately, I was concerned that he would think that we were talking about him (since we were) but I did not want Buddy confronted in the apartment. First, he does not need any more drama. Second, he was diagnosed with strept throat today. However, one important item was discussed in the meeting and that was how to share with LW that he was not going to live with him next year. This is almost a done deal as Buddy is going to live with California and da Dog, so LW is not invited. This will cause hard feelings and possible ramifications. He cannot be this young man's baby sitter for the next three years. He has to focus on his own life and attend to his issues.
To end, this young man is troubled and needs assistance. He has many wonderful qualities but lacks some basic social skills. According to the doctor (and common sense), some of the best athletes never learn how to get along with others because people want to be near them because they can throw a ball. This type of friendship is fake and not real. This fellow needs guidance, someone to confide in, and methods to work out his frustrations without taking them out on his room mates. He is in my thoughts and prayers as I wish him the very best. It is not an easy road and I hope that he has the help that he needs to live a long and happy life with lots of friends and family surrounding him.
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