Little Red Hen

Good Sunday morning! I am in a bit of a hurry today so this one will be short. I am headed to Zumba then am attending a show with Big Sis and a friend. Another mutual friend is singing in a play in a local theater. When I told Tink and dad that I was going to the performance, I asked them if they wanted to go....their responses were....

"Gotta wash my hair..."
"Not a fan of Sondheim...."
"I am going to rake leaves...."
"The dog needs a bath...."
"I am allergic to local theater...."

Yeah, I get it, but a girl has to support her posse, right? By the way, I know that none of the aforementioned excuses will be accomplished. AND I already made dinner for them and it just turned 10 am. Oye! The Little Red Hen again.....you know the LRH, right? She found a seed and asked her crew if they would help her to plant it. Each animal said that they were too busy. Then she needed someone to water the wheat....again....they were too busy....Can anyone help the LRH bake the bread? Nope...all busy. Then the bread came out of the oven and when she asked who would help her to eat it, they all replied "YES!" But the LRH was no fool, and exclaimed that since they were too busy to help nurture and create the bread, she would eat it herself....where does that take me?



Well, a few years ago when I was the dean of the department, I had a bunch of newbies and oldbies working with me. Sadly, no one wanted to do the work that they were being paid to do. In fact, they refused certain tasks and I was stuck doing their work and my own. "Why, LRH, you may ask?" Well, for a number of reasons such as:
1. one director could not speak English (don't ask)


2. Another director was brand new and took her time getting to know the job and when she had it, she quit
3. Another instructor decided that she hated me and thought that I was inept and arrogant (OK....)
4. Another instructor had no clue what to do, and when I wanted her to have a mentor, she screamed at me and quit by throwing an index card at my chest (ouch)



5. Another instructor felt that the course load was too heavy. Anytime she had a problem, rather than dealing with it, it was my problem. And so, I took care of her student and curriculum issues as well as my own....
6. My assistant refused to assist me. When I took her job description to her, she reported me to HR. Then HR brought me into the office for a conference. All was good. HR supported me, yet my assistant continued to not assist me.


7. One of the angry, inept people who came at me tried to sue me telling her lawyer that I created a hostile working environment. The hostile environment was my own as I lost enamel on the back of my teeth from grinding so much and my gall bladder from the stress.
8. Another faculty member came at me so many times as it was my fault for the rain,  global warming, cancer, and the high price of milk. She also reported me when I did not ask her to chair a committee that she had refused over the years to take over. But the day that she found out that someone else took it was too much for her, so she sent a scathing letter to the dean. He, in turn, took her side and I had to cringe. What a crappy job.




9. There are so many other stories like the one where an adviser whom I did not hire went to one of our clinical partners and tried to extort money from them for finding staff for their organization from my student body. She wanted $500.00 per find. Oh, could it get much worse?



Yeah, it did...when I found out that I was making a mere extra $1000.00 for all this work 24/7 accountability, no vacations, breaks, and lots of grief, I resigned. Someone else can take over this madhouse and I am going back to the classroom. At least I would have control there.

Back to the LRH....as I continued with this job that was destroying my health, I realized that I was the LRH. And I actually published a paper on the LRH Phenomenon. Yeah, it was published AND it was not my best work, but I will bet the readers could understand my theory and conceptual framework.

With that nostalgic review of one of the best times of my life, I am ready to work out then listen to some music with the girls.

Gotta run!

Grit!

Howdy! It's the day after the longest day.....on Thursdays, I get up at 5 am to run to class and clinical for 6 hours. Then I run home to shower and eat a peanut butter sandwich then head to campus to teach a four hour class. Am I tired? Uh, yep....Fridays are lost days as I try to work my energy back up. With that said, Diva and I are sitting here together as I type my thoughts and she enjoys her morning nap.

Yesterday was tough for ole BPM.....there is a school policy that if a student shows up late for a practicum, he or she must be sent home. No exceptions....oye! As I sat with my group at 6:30 a, I looked around and was missing the most diligent, perfectionist, Type A student that I have ever had. Yikes! All I could think of was that she had an accident or was dead.....When she arrived at 7, I had to send her home because of the  late policy. I had no choice as I called the course coordinator who also did not want to send her home, but had to.....anyway.....flash forward to 8pm last night.....



As I was teaching with a burst of Snickers energy, one of the instructors knocked on my door and mentioned that my tired little perfectionist was still crying. Oye! That's 12 hours of crying which was induced by me. She also had not eaten all day and was about to drop over....my fault again....

The instructor did her best to calm her and then two of her friends took her out for food. It was not a pretty day for us. As I look back on it, I know that she did not deliberately sleep through 4 alarms and that she was completely and utterly exhausted. College can do that for a person, so I started to think about a research study that I had read during the summer on grit.



Yeah, grit....Not True grit, but real grit! Grit is a determination to achieve your goals when all is against you. A person who is gritty does not stop until the goal is actualized. I believe that my son is gritty and therefore will make it. On the other hand, I have always known that I was not the brightest bulb in the arsenal and therefore had to work harder to achieve my personal and professional goals. I also know that no one is going to hand you anything, you must work for it.



With that said, last night in class, we took the Grit survey. Click on this link for more information on grit and take the test. I scored a 4.25 out of 5. I think that my score makes me one gritty gal. How about you?

Have a great day! 

Dunkin Donuts Days

Good morning! It's cold and windy here and I am waiting for word on my car. In the past 3 weeks, it has been in the repair shop 5 times. Yes, that is one more than four and one less than six. Here is the story:



Over the past few weeks, the car has had a hesitation as I accelerated which could be construed as dangerous. As I dropped it off with my local repairman, he could not find the issue. Then it continued, I dropped it off two more times....he could not see or feel the hesitation. Yikes...so it was time to take it back to the dealer which I have hesitated doing since they charge me big bucks just to drive it through the garage door. They immediately found the problem with the computer and had to order a part which took four days. As the car was returned to me last Thursday, I noticed that the hesitation persisted and voila! I do not have my car again. Lucky for me that I have one of their loaner cars, but I really want my personal wheels back. After all, my seat is adjusted, radio stations are perfected, and my stuff is in my car. Please, please, give me my car back! And make sure that it is fixed before I drop on the ground and have a seizure or two. By the way, can you wash it too?



Whew! Is it happy hour yet?



I heard from the big kid and he earned a B in the big Spanish test. This is not bad considering he thought that he failed it in a big way. Then he mentioned that he plans on kicking major butt in the next test to bring up the grade. I like his intensity.....sort of.....



Will this intensity translate into anything big? well, perhaps....after he hung up the phone last night, he went to a field to throw his weighted balls, then head to the library. Intense? yep....

Although, he made me chuckle as he said that he eats a king size Snickers bar before he studies each night. Why did I chuckle? Well, in the old days, I would run to Dunkin Donuts, grab a medium coffee and chocolate cake donut, eat and drink, then start to write my dissertation. The sugar and caffeine got me through a number of hours at the computer.  There is something about the mixture of the two substances that can get my lazy brain to fire on a few cylinders. Now, my son's personal brain stimulator is a Snickers bar. He's a chip off his momma's block...I gotta say.



Today, I am loaded with work as the semester starts to wind down. The students are in a funk as the grades that they are earning are either scaring or encouraging them. In my major, they must earn a C+ or better in each major course to continue. This is scary for many of them. In grad school, we needed a 3.0 to graduate. Yes,  I was concerned but was able to aptly hit the target and graduated. Yet, when I finished my masters degree, I swore that I would never read again....ever...not a newspaper or book. I hated reading since that is all that I did.....after a period of time, I picked up a People magazine on an airplane and rediscovered my love for reading. But I remember making that vow of never reading again in my car on Market Street in Philadelphia as I drove to one of my last classes. I can still recall how my eyes would burn and I would fidget in the chair as I read articles, research, papers, and books. Ahhhh! It feels so good NOT to be in school anymore! Yahoooooo!

After I finished the dissertation, I never had a DD chocolate donut again. I won't look at them...won't order one. They actually taste greasy to me. But, in hindsight, I can look back on my DD days and be grateful for the concoction that got me through my doctoral studies.

Wow, I really went way off the mark on this post~ With that said, I have a mountain of work and papers to complete. No time for anything else except pick up my car if it is fixed. Please, oh please, oh pleaseeee!

Later!

Bullies Part 1

Good cold and breezy morning to all. Yes, it is a chilly one today as Tink and I tried to attend the 6:30 a mass across town. She had a babysitting date with Lil A since Dr. G had an early morning surgery. As we arrived at church 5 minutes late for 6:30 am mass, we realized that we were actually 25 minutes early for the 7 am mass. It was pretty obvious when there was no one in the pews. I guess that I read the online schedule wrong....oops.....Chalk this one up to age, perhaps? 




On to the big guy....he reports that he did not do well in the Spanish test on Friday night. Oh well, can anyone say 'no, problemo?' He has three weeks left of Spanish and here's hoping the he can squeeze a passing grade out of the course.



Now that we are all in our relaxed state on this crisp morning, I will comment on the Miami Dolphins hazing incident....here goes....

It is assumed that this big linebacker, Incognito and his pals have been mercilessly bullying an offensive lineman. Apparently, this is an unspoken activity in all team locker rooms. The bullies prey on the newbies and the weaker ones. They get their kicks out of the victims responses and therefore, get some type of testosterone rush. When I asked my girl friend if her son who is a NFL quarterback was hazed this year, she said probably, but he won't talk about it. Further, the starting QB sat with him at lunch and introduced himself on the first day of practice. This seems somewhat civil.

Back to the Dolphins, it all started when the victim, had to miss two weeks of a voluntary practice (which are never really voluntary) to take his final exams. When he finally arrived in Miami, he began to be harassed and bullied. People ask why someone who is so big could be a victim of bullying? My answer is anyone could be bullied. I witnessed a number of times when Tink and Buddy were bullied and they were devastated. I, too, had been bullied in grade school. These things are not easily forgotten, but the taunts that we received were much different than the Miami Dolphins acts of retribution.




The victim is obviously a sensitive guy. Why can't a big guy be sensitive? I remember Big M's room mate from college who was also an offensive lineman. The last time that I saw him, he was talking about growing blueberries as his wife baked them into a pie. Blueberry bushes? This guy would have torn the head off of any defensive player and now he is talking about cobbler?



Yeah! he is....and he is a really nice guy. And so, appearances can be deceiving and this victim is still being bullied in the press as they say: "He should have punched him. He should have stood up to him....and so on..." We now live in an age of 'no tolerance' and this guy has been told over the years that  he is not to fight especially since he could kill someone with his size. Tuna, my nephew is one very big kid who plays foot ball and rugby. Oh, by the way, he has a black belt in karate. He is not allowed to fight either. With his size and skills, he could kill someone.

And so, there is a double standard...stand up for yourself...and use your words.....but don't hit. If you don't, you are a coward. If you do hit, you are a coward and a bully. These guys are in a no win situation. How does a person respond?

I remember when the big leftie made the varsity baseball team as a freshman in high school much to the displeasure of the upper classmen. These older guys tortured him until they graduated. One third baseman told him that when he pitched, he was not going to run for the ball. I am pretty sure that the coach did not know this...also, the kids would call him a 'terrorist' because his skin was a shade darker than the fair haired blue eyes guys. With his heritage, he has Spanish and Italian lineage as well as Slovak, Irish, and Scottish (a true mutt). Any way, they would scream at him about his looks resembling someone who would bomb a building in the name of his religion. Hmmm....no one called this bullying, did they?




With that said, we have an odd and very screwed up society in which we worship athletes and the Kardashians (Really not sure why, o why?). There are rules that no one abides by and because of someone's status, they can get away with saying or doing abhorrent things to the innocent.

Here's the way that I look at it....when you see something happening of significance to someone who is weaker, stand up for the guy or girl who can not stand up for themselves. The kids, marginalized, and most vulnerable need our help, support, and vigilance. There will always be bullies and victims, but it is our responsibility to assist and advocate for those who cannot. With that said, I hope that this incident sheds light on something that has happened over the ages. When will it stop? Probably never....but as my friend, Big Girl says to her boys who are really big guys and football players "if you stand around while someone is being taunted or injured, then it is just as if you are doing it."

Don't be a coward....do what is right. And remember, the right decision is usually the hardest thing to do. It is way easier to turn your back on the powerless.....

Time for Zumba!