Keep fighting!

Good morning! I hope that all is well in your toasty worlds. It is hot!

Today is not a post about baseball....it is a post to honor one of my besties and his battle to overcome the odds.

That's right....my bestie.....my brother in law...big brother....best friend...a guy that I have known since I was 14 years old.....an athlete.....a sportsman....a husband....a father....a friend....a creative genius....a guy who has been there through thick and thin....knowing that Tink and I were suffering from the loss of Diva dog drove around town on Father's Day to buy us flowers....a generous man who would give you his last dollar then borrow more and give that to you....a man whom I have loved and admired since I was a sophomore in high school....a man who has given his all for the betterment of others...a grandfather whose eyes light up when he sees his little Cupcake....he is all of this and a box of homemade cookies..... 

Big M is in the ICU and struggling to overcome something that is mightier than all of us. Even with positive thinking....drugs and chemicals....healthy life style choices....best cancer doctors in the country....he has not been able to overcome this storm unscathed.

We sought miracles and realized a miracle had been granted as he has been with us despite the odds and that he should have been gone years ago. Each day that he was with us at the beach, family events, and games was a miracle. Sadly, I am thinking that the miracles are just about over and we have to come to the realization that the fight is just about over.

Big M came into our lives when he started to date Big Sis in high school. He is a three letter athlete in football, baseball, and basketball. In high school, he was the guy....you know the guy.....tall and handsome....popular....and dating Big Sis. Although I was the younger, very geeky sister, he always stopped in the hallways to say hello....which made my equally geeky friends go crazy.....

During his senior year, the football team went undefeated.....he was all state....and he caught the winning touch down pass for the city championship. This was huge and to this day, I remember the catch in the end zone. It was a sight that I will never forget.

At this time, he decided to play football at a local college to stay in the area despite being recruited around the country. When he left for football camp, I remember seeing Big Sis sitting in the living room crying because she would miss him. Mind you, he was playing football and in camp six miles away from the house and not six hours. Nonetheless, we all missed seeing him.

After graduation, he started his own landscaping company and made a name for himself as a creative designer. He landscaped my homes and I truly believe that we sold the first house so quickly because of the beauty of his designs.

In the current house, he landscaped the back and sides of the home which has not only added value but beauty to the home. I look out back and see the plants, trees, and flowers and think of him.

Over the years, he and Big Sis had three children and one granddaughter. The boys played baseball together and we would sit on the grass watching the games. He would spit out the shells of his sunflower seeds and analyze the 7th and 8th grade game. I called him "Wheels" after the announcer of the Phillies games. He would say...."watch this curveball...bang...you're out...." It was a great time as I would savor those moments when family and friends would hang out and laugh...a lot....

He loves Big Sis....boy does he. Before they were engaged, they had broken up. Scooby and I were ticked beyond belief. We wanted to get rid of Big Sis and keep Big M. Anyway, he contacted us one day and said to us "let's go out to buy an engagement ring." Scoob and I were stunned....Uh, Big M, you know Big Sis hates you.....and you are not dating.....is this really a good idea?

You bet it was. He convinced us that he was going to marry Big Sis even though she would not talk to him. Perhaps he was delusional. Perhaps he was a positive thinker.....we thought that he was nuts.

And so....we went with him to the mall.....to Bailey Banks and Biddle (that was the store to go if you had money to burn or was so in love that money did not matter)....looked around and he purchased a beautiful pear shaped ring. Scoob and I called it "the pear" to each other as we thought that he was crazy. He put the ring away for a few years and finally brought it out one summer evening.....

One day, he called the entire family.....all of us sibs as well as his own and told us to go to a sand dune on a specific New Jersey beach....we were to hide until the right moment.....

Big M and Big Sis were walking on the beach when an airplane with a sign flew by....the sign asked Big Sis to marry him.....wow......naturally, she said yes.....we ran out....partied until I passed out from exhaustion in the early morning hours. It was a day and night to remember.....

On her 40th birthday, Big M has a huge blow out party.....every hour, he stopped the party....gave a glowing testimonial to the love of his life....and continued the party until he did the unthinkable....he found a car like her first one (a Volkswagen beetle), hid it behind a curtain and surprised her toward the end of the party. Big Sis was in tears and could not believe her gift. Big M was a guy who remembered details and knew that she had loved her first car.....

Even today, he thinks about others...not himself.....He is that kind of guy....you know....one of a kind with a heart and soul bigger than all of the outdoors. A sensitive man who is always available to help. During the spring, he had worked on the high school's gymnasium decorating it for the annual fund raiser and junior prom. he was there night and day. That weekend, the activity had taken a toll and he started a decline in health.

I am not saying that the prom caused his health issues, however, he wanted to do everything in his power to help others. In other words, he lived....boy did he live.....the way he wanted to....helping others.....hanging out with family and friends.....and living life on his terms.

This is the man that I admire. This is the brother and friend that I will miss...with every fiber in my body, I continue to pray for a miracle that we can keep him longer. But this is selfish, right?

Or is it? I don't know the answer but I will continue to pray and hope, because this is what life is about....It's praying for the right people to enter your life and hoping that they will stay.....forever.....


It's the people whom you allow in who make such an impact, when you take down the barriers. It is also a lesson in love. If you allow yourself to love...really love...you leave yourself vulnerable for hurt that manifests itself in ways that you believe that you cannot take. But to have such great pain, you let this love in....when it is there, you savor it.....enjoy it....remember it........then it is gone. The hurt is tremendous, but while you had that love, it was beautiful, lively, vivid, and wonderful.

I guess what I am saying is that the hurt is tremendous because the love is so great.

My brother....keep fighting.......

peace!