Movin on....back again.....

Greetings on a yukky Sunday. Big shout out to Wildcat, Ice, and Mk for encouraging me to write again. Honestly, I was done. I was in a black hole and no desire to leave it. That's right. I was going to stay in darkness and not emerge.






Does that sound terrible? Naw...you know me...in my black hole, I had Snickers bars, Skittles, cookies, boxed wine, my rosary, and some water. That's all I needed. My provisions kept me in size XL athletic pants...oversized hooded sweatshirt with gray hairs sticking out of my head. I was quite comfortable......


Is that the way it went?

 

Nope! Although I was a semi reclusive state, I knew I needed to stay strong and steer the ship until we all had some rays of sunshine....although the size XL pants are not that far from the truth.....


Ok, so I am back...what has been happening? Well, I can't give you the last 6 months in one post since my fingers will cramp up and I have to take a break or two and grab a healthy snack...yep...it will balance the huge Costco cookie I had for breakfast. You see, folks, it is all about moderation, she reports with tongue in her cheek.



And so, what has been happening....Sniff, sniff....

Honestly, I started this blog to share my weird journey with family and friends. I have an odd life that gets odder and odder the older I get. As Wildcat says, "no one would believe this stuff...." And honestly, I do not make it up.

As I type, I am listening to my iPod....Carly Simon is singing...."I haven't got time for the pain...."

Can you imagine my state of mind when I downloaded this song from iTunes? Yep, the reality is I cannot languish in sadness and despair. Get you butt movin on, BP mom.....



And I did. After all, I have to be the voice of reason. I am the caregiver, soother of boo boos, while offering non judgmental love and support. I cannot give in to sadness. Time to get going....

Sooooo, what's up?

The last you read, the big leftie and his family were dealing with a diagnosis that would knock a weaker person off their feet. He has a chronic (which means it will never go away) neuromuscular disorder that causes trouble breathing, double vision, and muscle weakness. He has to be on medication for the rest of his life and figure out ways to pull together an independent and successful life for himself. Doable? Yep. It can be done. For someone without the work ethic, the answer would be no. This guy? You betcha. 

Once he was discharged over Easter, we began to research MG to get a hold of what it is all about. His medication helps but sometimes he gets cramps and fasciculations. When tired, he occasionally gets double vision back and loses his voice. He has to pace himself to not overdue things.

This diagnosis came out of left field (back to baseball metaphors). I did not see it coming, although if he had told me that he had double vision, I would have pulled the trigger on consulting a neurologist sooner. This bit of information, he kept to himself as he almost aced his LSATs with double vision. He was seeing 8 responses on the test rather than the usual four. He was also driving which I did not know either. Yep, BP mom is always the last to know.

Once the treatment program began, he began to regain his voice and strength, although both are not fully back. He had to hold off law school for a year and is now finishing his graduate degree in criminology to prepare for school. He also started playing golf and is now driving the ball 300+ years on his drives. This makes him happy since he can no longer pitch.



He also continues to work at the health club and began (reluctantly)  coach velocity at the indoor baseball facility. His friends are basically settled in their lives and he feels left behind in many ways. Actually, he is. However, I tell him that God is preparing him for something big and he has to be patient. Hopefully, he will be able to start law school next August.

I have decided that he is my hero. With everything life has thrown at him, he has hit it back with vengeance. Does he get depressed and angry? Sure! Who wouldn't? I wish that I could take it from him, but it is not my designated journey. Like other heroes, like our own MK, I am saddling up equipped with fortitude and will do everything I can to make sure that this guy has a normal happy life. How will I accomplish that one? Ah....I've tackled bigger issues. This one may take a while, but I can visualize success.

BP Grandmom used to say, "When God closes a door He opens a window...." We can go through this window, but first, I have to get back to boot camp, get rid of the Cheese Doodles and Skittles, and lose enough inches to wiggle through the window with the big guy looking for  happiness.
 
Update...my iTunes song is now "You can't always get what you want...." by the Rolling Stones....

 No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometime you find
You get what you need


yep, I was definitely in a hole when I bought this one too.....

More later.

Peace!

Poster-Gate

Snow! Go away! Doesn't Mother Nature know that we are trying to get ready for baseball? Actually, we are pretty lucky here. We missed out of the fun that is going on in New England. Sorry, gang....but I can see the grass from my office desk and am not in a panic at all. In fact, I am going to head out to the gym in a few minutes.



How is preparation for the season going? Well, as always, there is never a dull moment. As regular readers know, I am missing my first and possibly last first pitch dinner. Here is where the team is introduced and the coaches say hello...and hello...and hello some more.....Banquets...long, boring speeches....I love them. Sadly, this year, the team put the dinner together at the last minute and I am already booked.



It also means that I will not be the first in line for the 2015 poster that has the seniors photos in action on it. Therefore, I said to the big kid: "Can you grab 10 posters for me?" Let's see I need one for BP Grandmom, the house, the refrigerator, BP aunts and uncles, my office and so on....His response was "I don't think that I am on it."

Huh? What? Whaddya mean? Not on it?

You're a senior! I have every poster from the last 4 years. All seniors are on it. That's it. ALL Seniors....let me be clear. Every graduating senior whether they play or not are on the poster. That's it. it is a rule....a policy....always done...what do you mean? You are a senior, right? Or am I delusional?



"Ma, they took pictures of the guys and I was not asked to be photographed."

OK, let's be logical. Perhaps they already have your photo. In fact, I remember some uber cool photos taken last year that are amazing. Maybe they will use a photo from the file....right?

"I doubt it."

OYE!

"I would rather start than be on a poster."

Nice rationalization, however, I can only imagine that he is somewhat horrified that he has not been asked. Therefore, I still contend that he is on it but does not know. I will hold on to it. However.....

If this is the case and they have knowingly excluded him from the poster (albeit, it really is not that important, yet it is), there will be a mushroom cloud over the campus when the season is over, 'cause there will be nothing to hold me back at that point.



Am I wrong to be peeved about something stupid like a poster? Maybe...Maybe not.

The reality is that all seniors should be included. That's it. Yet, this is par for this group...in fact....

Stoner, the team captain who failed two drug tests this year, was labeled "Pitcher of the Week" by the coach(es). He pitched 2 innings with 1 strikeout versus the big lefty who pitched 4 innings with 6K's, no walks, no runs. As I compare the two sets of statistics, my mathematical skills are not lacking here. It seems that if we go on numbers, the clear winner is not Stoner. But, who am I? just an interested fan.



Listen, I am not a helicopter parent who is hovering. Nope. I gave that up when the kid was in kindergarten. They have to learn through  life's ups and downs. I cannot stand in the way of life's lessons. Sometimes we will be the winners. Sometimes we lose. Yet, the important lesson is that we never give up trying.

All in all, Pitcher of the Week and a photo on a poster are unimportant. What is important is how a person conducts themselves when they win or lose. There will always be people who do not like us because of the color of our eyes, skin, or personality. They will hate us. They will love us. Again, this is not important. What is important is to conduct our lives and activities with integrity, kindness, and compassion. We are here for a finite time and as I say to the big guy "If everyone likes us, then we are doing something wrong."

With that said, I will check out the annual poster and keep my elation or disappointment to myself. After all, the lefty is right: "I would rather start than be on a poster." Well said, my son.

Going to the gym....Peace!

Uh oh

Another quick post since I have tennis this morning and have to straighten the house before the cleaning ladies show up. That's right. I clean before they clean. Give me a break. They already know that I am a slob. No need to  confirm it on their facebook pages as they take selfies in front of my dirt.

On to big lefty....yesterday, he was busted in the locker room by a team mate. The entire team knows that he has been banned from his Pitching Doc work outs. They know that he will be punted into the outfield by the Czar as he is cut from the team. Yet, he continues to do what he thinks is right in a clandestine manner.


Therefore, on a Sunday night, the evening before a day off, he walked into the locker room thinking that no one else would show up. As his stuff was on the floor, the team mate walked in and started an inquisition like CSI university.....

When the big guy denied everything, the team mate looked at him square in the eye and said: "I know what you are doing...the Texas stuff...I don't care...but I know...there is no way that you could go from 85 mph to 90 without doing this....get rid of the stuff, some of the coaches are on their way in...."

Whew. This guy has the lefty's back and will not say anything. He will keep his mouth shut. His parting words were: "I won't say a word, since I prefer you pitching at 90 than 85." And he departed.

OK, this was a close one. Other guys would have turned him in. Others would have wanted to join him. But he cannot run the risk, therefore, he says nothing and has been discrete for the past two years. On Saturday, he threw 75 pitches and his arm remained strong without pain whereas the other pitchers are either shut down or icing. Hawk has been shut down for 'tendonitis'. You remember tendonitis, right? When the big kid was shut down for it by team doctors, it turned out to be something much worse and therefore he needed surgery.

This poses another dilemma. He knows that the docs have been wrong with their diagnoses. They make them without X-Rays or MRIs based upon physical findings. if they are going to shut a guy down, then take him to the MRI machine and get a definitive diagnosis. We know this because we lived it. I was not satisfied with the team docs, so we went on our own for answers and got them....in Delaware and Florida.

And so, we creep toward the start of the season on Valentine's Day weekend. This should be an interesting year. Got to get the car checked out for my road trips. Gotta run...

Peace!

Paging Mr. Zen!

Good morning! Yep! It's a good one! I am no longer sick AND I finished my last class last night at 10:30 pm for another two weeks....oh boy! After serious grading this morning, I am going to place a 'gone shopping' notice on my email!!!





Once again, the pups pulled me out of bed this morning at an ungodly hour, but hey...who cares? I have two weeks off....Sweeet!


How is the big guy? He finished exams yesterday. He shared that he earned an "A" in a class. Not sure which one, but this should get his name off the Wall of Shame that the Czar has in the locker room. Forgot what the Wall of Shame is? Well, it seems that to motivate his players academically, the Czar broke the federal law (FERPA...PA stands for "privacy act') and inscribed the guys with the lower grade point averages on the board in the locker room. The gpas have been there all semester. His name will be removed after he hits his target. Notice to the Czar...no kid wants to see their name there. Not every guy is an A student. They do what they have to do to get by....after all, the team does not make it easy for them with 5 am lifts, meetings, three to four hour daily practices, and an extensive travel schedule. Some are able to keep their heads above a 2.0 to stay eligible for the season. It is an incredibly stressful environment.





He has had this knot in his back for a few weeks that the trainers have been massaging. He could no longer stand the discomfort and his hand was going numb, so he took my advice and went to an acupuncturist who was also a chiropractor. Rather than having the acupuncture, the chiropractor told him that his arm is too built up by training and he is losing flexibility in his elbow. Further, he diagnosed a pinched nerve and not a 'knot'. And so.....here we go again....





The medical care and training are sub par. The athletes are suffering and they will be cut from the team if they go to another doctor for a second opinion. They have them over a barrel.


What do I do as a parent? What does he do as a player? With the medical staff (once again) treating the wrong thing, does he continue to allow them to ruin his body OR does he sneak away and find his own, more competent doctors?


You know what I think...I hate the sneaking part but if they ruin his arm, they have succeeded in ruining his career and possible livelihood. This is unacceptable. I cannot go to them, because he is a young man and must fight his own battles, but I am seething that an elite division 1 school hires such inept practitioners. Here are  people who are supposed to stay up on the evidence and trends in sports medicine and training, yet they continue to use outdated modalities and insist that they are right.


To me, this means that they are not prepared to care for anyone including a puppy. (sorry twins). Any doctor or trainer who does not ascribe to best practice models supported by evidence and research is committing malpractice. Yes, I said malpractice.

A professional is a person who understands research, attends continuing education, and reads their journals. They look at statistics and change their practice based upon what has been purported to be effective. To be so rigid and narrow minded and not alter their practice indicates that the wrong people are in these positions of power.






And so, I made an appointment with my acupuncturist, Mr Zen for Friday. Mr Zen is the most amazing guy. He has helped my sinuses, elbow, and left knee. He took care of my stress on Monday as well as opened my nasal passages. Frankly, I would not have believed it if I had not had my experience, but I highly endorse acupuncture for most things that ail a person. Some of our physical problems are due to stress and anxiety. Mr. Zen was able to pinpoint my heightened anxiety by feeling my pulses (don't ask, but my pulses were located via my radial which is located on my wrist). After identifying stress as part of my problem, he placed a series of needles in my back and left me for 25 minutes. I almost fell asleep. Since my acupuncture and acupressure for the sinuses, I have been tired but somewhat relaxed and can breathe!.....In fact, I want to go back again and again and again....


Ooops...'nuf about me. I have to grade the papers in order to place the 'gone shopping' sign on my email.



Peace!

Fall Ball Year 5

Hello. It's an amazing day in the northeast and I am loving it! The twins are sleeping in their crates after gnawing on a super bone for 30 minutes. They are growing fast and still having accidents around the house. The piddle puddles continue to show up when I am not looking...little sneaks!

How are the kids? well, as you know, Pop passed away suddenly last week. It was not unexpected but we were surprised. With his funeral, family gathered in the south. This is usually what happens...right? Well, our Tink was admonished at work. It seems that she did not give two weeks notice to get the day off. That's right. A supervisor yelled at her because she did not write the needed day off in the request book two weeks before the funeral.


OK, for those of you who are scratching their heads, let me share that if Tink knew that she needed the day off for Pop's funeral two weeks ago, I am going to make some amazing money off her as she predicts the lottery numbers, Super Bowl winners, and Presidential elections. Sheesh......



The big kid continues his semester as his professors have been a bit more lenient than Tink's supervisors. The sofa? Well, it is still in storage and I'll bet the house and one thousand dollars that he will do nothing about it.

On the baseball front, he is throwing well and claims the grade point averages of each player are still posted in the locker room, thereby violating federal law. It seems that the Czar thinks that he is above the law and will embarrass kids to get them to follow his methods of motivation.

Interestingly, the kid made an observation this week which makes sense. The Czar never demonstrates fundamentals or has any ideas on how to improve technique. In fact, all he does is pontificate about the mental game, which he seems to know quite a bit about....while we were in the south, the big lefty had to write an essay on what Evan Longoria (a MLB player) means to him. That's right. The coach gave him homework! Will the essay be graded? Who knows? Time will tell.

As the team gathers for fall ball, the guys are getting to know each other. One new player asked him how stringent the drug testing was.....'do they care about the results? 'Cause, man, I really need to smoke...' OK.....Actually, who know about the drug tests. After all, two years ago, half of the team failed it and still started and played. Perhaps the drug screening is merely a suggestion as opposed to a mandate.



Time to run....

Peace!

Rubber meets the road

Friday afternoon 
Hi
Got the airplane tickets for Sunday at 6 am. I do believe that this is going to actually happen and I will be able to make my way to Illinois...then return home again by driving along the interstate. The ride home seems to be 12 hours and change per Mapquest. Can we do this type of driving in a day? Perhaps......Probably....Do I want to drive in one day? Perhaps......Probably.....My thoughts are that the car is going to stink with sweaty clothes and dirty cleats. This type of aroma can give a girl a headache or ten....


The sofa....ahhh.....it sits in a locker somewhere.....with his other stuff.....

Where is he going to live in September?

Answer: Who knows

What courses will he take at school?

Answer: No one knows

How will he pay for this last/fifth year in college?



Answer: God knows.....perhaps He should open up the heavenly vault...'cause we don't have it here....Dad swears  that he is done paying for college. He wants the big kid to act 'manly' and 'man up' and share with him his plan for success. It is obvious that the big plan for success in Illinois has absolutely nothing to do with the big guy's future...

Now here comes another question.....

What has he been doing all summer? He did not work...complete his internship......nothing.....he did work out....fly home for Yoda to check on his arm....fly south to attend a family funeral.....but what has he done of substance? I don't know. But my mantra is "failing to plan is planning to fail...." Just sayin'



Monday morning

Ok, we made it to Illinois through Philly, Detroit, and St. Louis. Late Saturday night, I got a call...."Mom, I am not pitching tomorrow night."

Huh? What? Seriously? I just bought airplane tickets (non refundable) to Missouri. This is not a trip that I would normally take unless I had to. In fact, if I had my druthers, my tickets would be for an isolated Hawaiian beach and not St.Louis, but the things that we do for people that we love far exceed the boundaries of common sense.

So, when are you going to pitch?

"Monday night.You see, there will be a scout in the stands looking at the other pitcher and the coach wanted me on the mound so that he could see me too." Makes sense....Dad is going to have to change his return  ticket to Tuesday morning....$$$$

Nonetheless, this is pretty darn exciting....and now it is here. The scout...yes, the guy who we have been waiting for.....in the stands...watching the game....my boy on the mound throwing 90's. A dream come true....yet....could this turn out to be a nightmare? What if he out thinks himself? What if he lets his emotions take over? What if he has a really bad game? OYE!



Now, I am nervous....so what to do? Well, I have a craving for Skittles again (sorry Beast, I tried to eliminate this habit) but I have to go back to what has worked in the past. So, let's see....Skittles.....check...rosary...check....lucky sneakers....got 'em......prayers....ongoing.....gotta sit on the right side of the stadium....check......deep yoga breathing......zen out.....ready......

And now, here we go.....

I will not be able to post until we get home unless I have a computer tomorrow....just in case....fingers, toes, and eyes crossed...say a prayer for peace and calm....he's ready to sign folks. He does not have a place to live in the fall......wouldn't is be nice if he could have his dream come true now and not next June?

By the way, whatever happens, either good or bad, does not matter. What is in the cards for the future has to be amazing. After all, he has all the tools necessary (except the sofa thing) to make it in our world. Let's all sit back and watch.....

Peace!

What did you say?

Good morning! It is a good morning. Dad and Tink made it home after traveling 16 hours yesterday. Sadly, they were delayed by weather....missed a connection....started in St Louis....diverted to Milwaukee for refueling....landed in Chicago...missed the connection.....waited.....waited....waited.....home by midnight. That is a day to forget. Although, they probably could have gotten home faster if they walked.


I apologize for not posting sooner, but I had a lengthy meeting in the city...roads were backed up 10 miles for construction....lots of pot holes in the northeast. Naturally, they have to fix them all at once. So, I was on the road too for hours on end....just wanting to get home....
 

How is Diva? Well, I believe that she is better but not out of the woods yet. She has not vomited since Saturday...whew. I am particularly happy about that, especially since I kept her in bed with me so that I could monitor her. In the middle of the night on Saturday, I thought that she died. She wasn't moving or breathing. It was a scary few minutes.


On to the big kid in the Midwest. I am going to divide this part of the post into three sections. Before, During, and After.....Here we go.....

Before

As you know, dad and Tink drove his car to Illinois after having it cleaned and detailed and handed it to him with a full tank of gas. The next day, they were to meet for breakfast and he was quiet. "I don't talk on the days that I pitch."

Huh? What? What did you say? What did you not say? Who the heck do you think that you are? Curt Shilling? Cole Hamels? Mariano Rivera? Are we talking diva-like behavior?

I lost it. Seriously folks.....I did not raise a diva or spoiled brat....or did I? let me at him....he will hear me from my back yard to Illinois.

During

 The game started at 6pm, our time and we opened Betty's computer at BP Grandmom's house as we sat at dinner....hmmm....is this right? It is 2-0 at the bottom of the first inning....oh boy. Not a great start. Then I began to look at the stats...an error and multiple strike outs. Nice.

By the third inning, he had thrown 70+ pitches and was destined to leave the game before the 5th inning. When he left, the score was 5-0, he had 7 K's, and a few walks. As I spoke to Dad, he mentioned that he pitched well, but his defense could not keep runners on first base since the catcher could not hold them. The outfielders were not as good as his university's team so balls dropped. Lastly, the team that they played was the best in the league. He actually pitched well despite the stats.

After

I texted him on Monday and wrote "call me or else". Sheesh....such a threat. Yo ma, really? What's has your knickers in a knot? Well, I will tell you....it was not the game but the diva-like behavior. Soooooo, I let him have it. I  sounded like Charley Brown's teacher as I reviewed the way that he was raised and how he is no better than anyone else and how his family has gone above and beyond the call of duty to help him to achieve his dream. Just stating fact....

Then he had had enough and shouted back "you don't understand how nervous I was."

Right. We all get nervous, but a guy is not to forget his manners. Now...enough said.

Really After

Now it is time to reflect on the conversation....as I have stated from the very beginning, this blog is to share the journey...good...bad...ugly.....this was ugly and an important part of the story. That is, talent and hard work are essential to achieve any goal, but if you are anxious and your head is not at peace, then the road is all the more difficult. We discovered this on Sunday night.

On the whole, this guy is one of the most terrific people that I know. He has a heart and soul of gold. If you lined up all of the leftys in the world, I would choose my own big kid every time.

With that said, he knows that this year may be his last playing baseball. At the end of May next year, he may be hanging up his cleats....or not.....however, the realty is, this could be his last chance to prove his worthiness to take the step to the next level.

Now I see why he was playing a mute on Sunday. This means so much to him that he is struggling to find a place for the tension. Ok, the kid is forgiven, but he has to know that bad behavior is bad behavior. Also, by trying to focus on a night time start in the morning, this guy began obsessing rather than preparing. So, he needs a better system to preparation. Naturally, I went online and found a you tube about test anxiety. Hey, anxiety is anxiety, so the 5 step process offered on the video makes perfect sense.

Here is a better way to start the focus process. After all, reading about other pitchers and how they prepare is good, but in the long run, he needs his own style. Therefore, he needs to reflect, pray, and figure out what best suits him. I honestly doubt if silence especially around his uber-supportive family is the way to prepare for any game. Although I did read that Curt Shilling ate Ellio's pizza before he started any game. Each person has to have their own routine....but letting the stress creep up on you is not helpful. Sure, I get nervous when I play tennis....

Fade to black.....

There have been a number of matches where I let my nerves get the best of me. Guess what? I lost each one. So, I totally understand why he needs to be in a place of dominance when on the mound. He has to remember that he has the tools, he just needs to sort out how to block out the distractions. Not talking does not do it. In fact, I believe that talking with someone who knows you is the way to go. BUT, this is the big guy that I am writing about....not me.

Oh, well. These are the joys and sorrows of this journey. I hope that he never forgets what he has learned and experienced, because if the ride is over in May, he will have to look back and say 'this was been the most extraordinary experience of my life.' Then he has to say...."I have had a great life so far, I cannot wait for the next chapter of the book. Because....it is only going to get better...."

'Nuff said.....

Peace!