Wednesday, December 10, 2014

The Dog Whisperer needs to make a house call! Stat!

Good morning...or is it? I am definitely in a foul mood. Why? I am not sure if you are ready for this post, but here is comes....

As regular readers know, Tuesdays are my longest days and I do not get home until 11 pm. I am actually cool with this schedule since it frees me up during the spring to chase the big guy all over the country.

However, this morning, I was close to breaking....why?

As you know, I adopted the cutest puppies in the whole world. They are happy, playful, and fairly responsive to commands. Last night at two am, they were whining, which essentially means that they have to be taken out. Ok, out of bed....robe on over the grey flannel pajamas...blanket over the puppy is taken from crate...taken out into the rain.....success...back into the house...puppy number two...taken from the crate....out into the rain.....success....back into crate...back to bed....

Two hours later....whining and barking...really? Really? really?

lumberjack flannel robe on....blanket over the robe and grey flannel pajamas.....hmm...they were so good a few hours ago, I think that I will take them out together in the rain, chill, and middle of the night.

Question: What was I thinking?

Answer: I was not thinking because I was still asleep in the middle of the night as I took the puppies out together without a leash. As they got outdoors, they looked at each other and took off.....Really puppies? really? now? really?

And so, I took off to catch them with my blanket over my flannel robe and my ripped untied Sperrys on my feet. All I could think of was that there are skunks, foxes, and owls out there and the puppies are not yet 4 pounds. In fact, they are an appetizer.

Question: What does a person do?

Answer: RUN! And I did with my blanket and ripped shoes and the mud beginning to splash onto the bottom of my grey flannel pajamas. I could not yell for them, because I did not want to wake any neighbors, have them look outside, and throw a net over my head.

So, I ran....almost caught up with one.....slipped.....they ran more toward the front of the neighbors house....and did the unthinkable as I approached them....

They barked and barked and barked as I whispered to them:

"Stop! Come! Listen to me. $%#((%%32!!!!!"

Now my hidden fear was realized, people were looking  out at the tiny barking dogs and crazy woman covered with mud, drenched, and running after them in the rain.

Ok, the story ends well. I caught the girl first, then the boy. AS I ran back to the house, the mud on their paws came off onto my wet blanket.

I was furious....went back to back into an amazing dream about a beach....margarita......palm trees.....and then it happened.....

At 7 am, dad trying to be nice to me, took the pups out and they took off too. I could hear his shouts and ran to get my sweat pants. AS he walked into the house with the muddy pups, he could only say "Your children have behavioral issues."

And here is where I sit...typing about my most excellent adventure with the dogs in their crate and mud on my robe, blanket, and pajama legs.  The hair is sticking up. The face is contorted.

Have I made any tactical mistakes since I adopted the pups?

Oh yeah...many...but guess what?

In January, all fun comes to an end. I am going to contact some dog whisperer or a doggie drill Sargent and we are going to tackle this problem head on. There will be no lame Pet Smart dog training.

Nope, I am going to find the General Patton of the canine world. These pups are going to learn manners.

Now it is time to take the puppies out again and they will be leashed and attached to my sweat pants string.

And so you have life....cold, wet, dirty, and unpredictable.


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