Bullpen Mom's Olympiad

Greetings! As you know, my bottom has been attached to the easy chair for the last ten days watching the Olympic games. Fortunately, I do not eat while watching television, but my muscles are starting to atrophy while watching the world's best table tennis players and professional US athletes beat up on third world nations.

One of the highlights have been the South African man who is running sprints. He does not have legs and uses prosthesis. This is what it is all about in my book. Not letting something like no legs stop a guy from competing. I respect his ability to not take no for an answer.

Another highlight has been the runners who have overcome great obstacles to train and train and train....all the athletes have given up so much to get there. I watched several runners "lapped" during the 10,000 M race. If it was me, they would have turned the lights out in the stadium and told me to lock up when I was done. Whew! No medal for me....

I also respect the swimming champion who did not kill his mother when she announced to the world that he was too busy to date so he has one night stands instead. If it was my son, he would have killed me. Conversely, if it was my son, I would have killed him. No one night stands....is that what he would want for his sister? Doubtful....so please treat women like individuals and respect them as you would want your mother and sisters to be respected. And Swimmer Mom...take my advice: "Shut up, sit down, and watch the games. Stop embarrassing your kid. You are giving all mothers who sit in the stands and watch their athletes a bad name."

More highlights include looking at the clothing especially the uniforms and sneakers. Believe it or not, the sneakers have captured my attention. During track and field, no one wore the traditional black cleats. There were bright yellow, orange, green, and gold. I watched the colorful sneakers spinning around the track. I have no idea who won. I think the guy with the bright yellow sneakers finished first. Is this a new trend? Last week I bought a new pair of tennis sneakers and they are grey with pink trim. Flashy, eh? Now I look especially menacing when I hit the ball into the net.

And so, I ponder.....after dedicating your entire life to one moment in time, is it important to win or more important to look good while losing? Only one person can win a gold medal. That means countless others like me are losers. Therefore, I contend that if you are going to lose, wear a very cool looking pair of sneakers. Also, make sure that your Ralph Lauren USA outfit is pressed and clean.

Keep in mind, while you are losing in front of a global audience, watch your mouth, 'cause we can read lips in our living rooms.  Would you want your sweet little granny who is watching you in her parlor with her girl friends to see that?

Remember, you not only represent your country, but your family is watching. Keep your potty mouth in check. It does not match your flashy sneakers.