Actually, I am trying to work today before heading to Jersey but the online platform is reading error messages and I am locked out. I am tired of this stuff. When I have the time to work, I do not want to read 'error' on my screen and have to problem solve an unsolvable problem. My students are tired of this too. Therefore, Santa, for Christmas, please give my work a new online platform that never crashes...ahhh, I was on a roll too!!!!
And so, today is the day. What have I done to prepare the feast today for transport? Well, Big Sis gave to me a big turkey....big...huge....I could barely lift it. And as I was under the understanding that it was a fresh turkey, I needed a crow bar to remove its innards. All I could find was his neck and no internal organs (oh, this is gross), so I put Tom Turkey in one of those bags that was perhaps too small for him and placed him in the oven. Since he was 'fresh', he did not have a pop up thermometer which meant that I had to keep an eye on him. As the bird cooked, I could hear sizzle, pop, pop. Hmmm...upon opening the oven, black smoke wafted out, smoked my glasses, burned my eyes, and filled the kitchen and family room. Apparently the stupid too small bag busted and all of the juices ran over the edge of the baking dish onto the floor of the oven and began to smoke at the high temperatures. Oh joy. My house smells like a burned turkey. All the doors were opened and the fans were put on high. All this succeeded in doing was freeze me and Diva while the smoke left quite a stench. I hate turkey....
Anyway, I had to place a portable thermometer into the bird and waited for it to finish at 170. Once it hit the mark, I pulled him out with all of the energy that I had and poured lots of the juice onto the floor and my legs. nice....I really hate turkey.....
And so, I have a stinky house , wet legs, and sticky floor that I cannot see since my eyes were burned. I carried the stupid bird leaving it the turkey on the counter to 'rest' as per the chefs on The Chew. During this time, I turned the oven on to self clean since it was burned beyond use and went to finish my cheesecake. Yes, I make the most amazing cheesecake, although this time, it may not be so good. The cake was in the bottom oven baking and I cleaned the beaters. Much to my surprise, horror, and amazement, the little plastic bottom to one of the beaters was missing. It is small, round, plastic and could possibly lodge in someone's airway. Was it in the cheesecake? I hate cheesecake.....
On to slicing the turkey for transport. I was advised by two friends to slice the turkey and cover it with chicken broth then move it to Jersey. As I began to carve the huge bird, I got to the middle and could see that it was not finished....there was pink....oh Lawd! Further, I found the little plastic bag of internal organs that I also roasted with the turkey. Now I am not only going to kill someone with the little stopper on the bottom of the beater but I could take out an entire family with samonella. I hate turkey.....
Moving on, I finished carving and put the turkey, raw parts too, into an aluminum pan to return to the oven to heat and hopefully finish cooking; when I spilled lots of the broth onto the floor and down my leg again. I hate turkey.....
Once the meat was in the oven for further cooking, floor mopped again, leg damp, and I was composed, I drained the broken bag of the drippings and attempted to make gravy for the first time in my life. Why did I do this? Oh, I thought that it would be fairly easy. I had a recipe from Bon Appetit. Yeah, three hours later on the stove top, the gravy was still soup. I hate gravy......
Therefore, as I type this message of holiday cheer, I hope that you too will get together with family or friends and crack open a box of the finest wine. Then once everyone has eaten and retired to watch the football game, you can take the pulses of all diners to make sure that you did not kill them with undercooked turkey, little plastic stoppers, or soupy gravy. I hate football....
Enjoy the day, I still have some potatoes to peel and mash. Got a recipe from Betty Crocker.....I hate potatoes.....recipes....Betty Crocker......
Peace!
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