Greetings! I am back….how back…well almost back as I sit in the airplane as it is fueled waiting to take off. I am a reluctant flyer and hate the fact that I am not in control in these aircrafts....that and person who must have eaten 5 cloves of garlic for breakfast and breathing on me right now.....
After stopping in Starbucks for my own kind of fuel….that’s right….a bit of caffeine goes a long way this afternoon. In fact, I will need to ingest a number of Starbucks venti bold cups of coffee to get through the next few days.
The business trip was scheduled by a national program accrediting body who sent me and two other women to assess the quality of a new program in Ohio. After spending three days in a classroom reading through documents and interviewing countless members of the community, we finally had the opportunity to write our report last night at 10 pm. While trying to write a decent sentence describing my findings, I felt like a toddler in her high chair as I started to nod into my laptop. What a strange feeling…
Once my section of the report was complete, I had to pick up another section because one of the team members was behind. I really could not say to her: “Later, I am going to bed….” So, I picked up another section and we finally got to bed at midnight for the third 6 am wake up call in a row. No complaining….just a sensation that my body is not attached to my head and I have the intellect of a five year old. My eyes are red, sore, and puffy….and my mind is shot….fuzzy….non-functional….It’s going to be fun tomorrow as I think of ways to interact with my classes for seven hours. Can anyone say: “Long breaks?”
I once had to teach a class the day after I returned from a trip to Italy.
Not realizing what was going on, the class was laughing at me as my eye lids started to close while I was speaking. Is it possible to fall asleep while standing up? I actually closed my eyes and kept the conversation going....actually I had no choice...it was either keep going or putting my head on the desk, fall asleep, and have my students watch while I pass out. Of course, I would wake up and find a mustache drawn on my face with a Sharpie or see my sleeping face online somewhere as someone captures my photo with their cell phone....
On to family crises that occurred while I sat in my classroom this week in Ohio reading document after document….
Dad called yesterday morning: “Uh…the bathroom window is shattered….and I pulled down the towel rack…you have to call the window manufacturer and the handy man to fix the towel rack...."
Tink called: “Uh….there is nothing to eat in the house and I think that Diva dog has hemorrhoids….”
Buddy called: “Uh…where are you? LW heard a pop in his shoulder. I actually feel sorry for him? What is happening to me?”
Well now…I wonder if they can handle these issues without me? NOT!
OK…issue number 1….could a wayward golf ball have shattered the double pain window in our bathroom? Of course, we do not live near the golf course but that obviously has not stopped one of my neighbors from playing a round in my backyard. Tink and Dad looked for evidence of a divot or a ball and could not find them.
Issue 2: the dog may indeed have hemorrhoids…but honestly….what the heck? How does this happen to a little dog that only eats kibble and baked chicken that I purchase at the meat market? Guess I have to call the vet…that should be an interesting conversation. Can a dog use Preparation H? I know that you can use it for eye puffiness. If you can use it on your face, why can’t you apply it to a dog’s bottom? I better “google” this one.
Issue 3: My son has budding compassion for the guy who has driven him crazy for the past two years. OK, it was bound to happen. I texted him that I thought that he was evolving and his response was that he did not like it. I suppose he wants to stay in the selfish, all-about-me mentality that he has developed and polished over the years.
And so, my gut tells me that I was needed at home and that I will have my hands full as I return to my family. The window has me bugged and so does the dog’s bottom….the empathy that the big kid is displaying is giving me hope for the future.
***One last piece of news…the toilet in the guys’ house during Saturday night’s party was blocked by a bar of soap. The plunger would not dislodge it so Buddy used a fork to pull it out not knowing what was going to be on the end of it. FYI: Toss the soap out and do not reuse it....just sayin'....Now….young man…how is that ‘open-door’ policy working for you?
Ok, we are starting our descent into the airport. Time for me to get back to reality and stop at Target to pick up some Preparation H or any other hemorrhoid cream. After all, the dog’s bottom needs it and I think that I will also use it to minimize the bags that have formed under my eyes….I will let you know if it works on both….
I will call the handy man, Ponch tomorrow after work or during a break, fix the dog's sore tush, and call the window manufacturer. As far as the big guy goes and his compassion....too bad....dude, face it...you're basically a nice guy.