Monday, September 17, 2012


Katy Perry sings:
Last Friday night
Yeah we danced on table tops
And we took too many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot

Last Friday night

Yeah we maxed our credit cards
And got kicked out of the bar
So we hit the boulevard

Last Friday night

We went streaking in the park
Skinny dipping in the dark

 Last Friday night
Yeah I think we broke the law
Always say we're gonna stop
This Friday night
Do it all again

Is there a point to starting out this post with a Katy Perry song? You betcha.....

There were no 2 am wake up calls. After all, I was told on Friday afternoon that the big kid was tired and sore and needed to sleep. Mom, there will be no parties....

Good...'cause dad had to get to campus early and pick him up for a final appointment with the physical therapist. Super.....have a great night sleep. I think that there is a pretty good show on the Travel Channel that you might enjoy...see you tomorrow....

And tomorrow came. Dad left at 6 am and was home by 1 pm. They avoided the football traffic and got home in time for the kid to take a nap. A nap? Wow...he must be doing some late night studying, right?

Ah wrong...oh so not there is something that is not being said right now..."Are you sick?"......

Now the story emerges and the stuff flies into my fan and sprays all over the room....Here is one side of the story....

Dad got to campus at 9am which is like the middle of the night to a college student. First he sees Dog by the curb who was on his cell phone and could not be bothered to get Buddy out of the house. Dog points to the house and keeps walking. Dad was not pleased....

As he climbed the porch, he almost fell through the broken wooden slats. Hmmm, two weeks ago, these floor boards were not broken. Yet on Saturday, a person could fall through and perhaps be "injured". As he turned the door knob to the house, he took a deep breath in and the place reeked of booze. Upon entering, what he saw almost caused a coronary artery or two to close. Red solo cups, empty vodka bottles, trash, broken walls, the smoke detector disabled, broken window, broken blinds, and sticky floors. It was if a blow out party had taken place with the hosts except for Dog asleep in their beds. In many ways, it was a blessing that I was not there....'cause if I had fainted and landed in a pool of vomit that was not my own, I would have imploded and exploded....

And so, at dinner, we had a conversation and the kid lost it.....Here are some of the more memorable snippets of the conversation....

"They invite these people over...."

"This guy was bouncing up and down on the porch trying to break the wooden slats.  I stopped him and he said that a guy in the back was giving him $100 if he could break it. So I threw both of them out..."

"I have to act as a bouncer..."

"These guys have no social skills so it is the only way that they can meet girls...."

"Angel is still depressed about Ms. Canada and I had to take him home and put him to bed so that he would not be arrested for an underage again...."

"While I was gone, more people came and crashed the door...."

"I told them all to get out....but they wouldn't I went to the back of the house and screamed "cops, cops, cops, cops"...they all ran away.

"I cleaned the place for two hours and got to bed at 4 am..." If this is true, then I did a bad job teaching him how to clean, 'cause dad said the place was trashed.

So, whaddya do?

He was upset because he does not want to host the parties in his home. His room mates have them anyway and he is left being the adult trying to keep the house from disintegrating....

Once he almost convinced us that he was a victim in this mess, we started to contemplate how to get him out of the lease and where he could go.  There aren't too many options here except to pull him out of the house and keep paying the rent, have a lawyer document that he no longer lives in the house and is not liable for damages, and find a single room on campus for him and pay more rent. 

Then there was also the option of me and dad walking in to the house with all of the guys there and having a "conversation" with them.  No one wanted that option... is only the second week in September and this craziness begins.....

And so, he texted all of the guys and told them to clean up before he returned because his father was going ballistic. 

In fact, Dad was ready to report the guys to have them evicted...all of them including  his son...nice, huh? It has come to this...eviction...he hasn't taken his first exam yet and is about to be homeless....a homeless pitcher....can anyone spare a quarter or two for a Chipotle burrito, 'cause my dad cut me off?
It's all craziness. What do I always say? Well, lots of things....but basically, if you have to hang out with drunk girls to find someone talk with, then you gotta figure out what the heck is wrong. After all, she is bound to sober up at some point, right? According to Buddy, his roomies are inept and can't talk with girls and are becoming desperate for companionship. The only way to get them to talk with them is to host a party.....What did Dean Wormer of Animal House say to one of the frat brothers?

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son..."

After dinner, we had a plan of action and drove over to Dr. G's to see Lil A and the rest of the family. While standing there, the story about the party was of the uncles asked him if the keg has been "killed" at the party....then Buddy made a rookie mistake.....

He smirked....grinned a bit and said: "Oh yeah..." Big mistake buck-o....big one...the smirk got ya...I caught it. Dad caught it....Even BP Grandmom caught it...Heck....Ray Charles could have seen it....big fat juicy mistake....OK're so cool....Neither dad nor I remarked on the smirk, but locked it away for future reference.

Since there was an 11 am scrimmage on Sunday, it was my turn to drive the 6 am limo back to campus. We had a good conversation about life...poor guys...nothing about school or classes....I wonder why?

As I parked the car, I took a tour of the yard, porch, and interior....and was amazed by what I 

red solo cups, no empty liquor sleeping girls running out of rooms...the floor was not sticky....the kitchen and living room had been picked up. Actually, for a college house, the trash was not there. However, the remnants of the party were evidence that these guys need their heads examined.....As I took photos of the broken window, smashed walls, smoke detector with a plastic bag covering it, and the oh so dangerous porch, I was impressed that they tried to clean up. Yet, we are not done with this issue...not by  a long finally figured out what to do and I will share it in the next post.....

I will end with this final conversation with the kid.....
"Do not call me if you are arrested for underage drinking, 'cause I will let you sit in jail at least 24 hours. You will miss class and your scrimmages...perhaps the you can watch the football game with the warden. If you want to be bailed out, call Sparky....."

More...much more later....we are only beginning.....

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